I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
