I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
