I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
