so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
