you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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