Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
