Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
