did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
