Dual....:-)
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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