but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
