Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
