This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
