dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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