No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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