why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
