I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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