she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
