One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
