At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
