there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
