Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
