I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
