the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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