i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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