Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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