what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
