dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
