last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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