NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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