if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
