You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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