my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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