All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Vodka?
Forever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
