okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
