didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
