what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
