i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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