RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize