I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
