she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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