I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
