Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
