So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
