I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I lost the right to judge tonight
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
