When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
