Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
