We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
