we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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