all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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