Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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