You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
