my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You're like the curious george of whores
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
