It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
