A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
