There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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