Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
