I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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