By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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