I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
