In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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