just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
