that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
