if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
