Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
