I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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