god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
