i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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