I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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