Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
