I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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