why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
