so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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