i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
