She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
