It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
