If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
