peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
