My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
