there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
