I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
