He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
