while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.