We named our party play list daddy issues
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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