Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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