mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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