is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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