love makes seman taste better
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
