Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
